I hate visiting old friends.
I have done it twice in the last few months. A few days together to recall old times, to tell some funny stories and sigh realizing how much life has changed. I usually sit back quiet and reserved. I hate it.
I would almost rather stay home than have to relive all the great memories. Seeing all the old friends makes me want to vomit. A small creature inside of me tugs relentlessly at my heart trying to rip it out of the place where these people and memories planted it. Each revisited event and remembrance of another friend not present hammers one fact in my soul…it won’t ever be that good again.
So I hate it.
I hoped and prayed for good friends in college. The kind I didn’t have in high school…and I sure got it. Now they are gone.
It feels like that night when I was in fourth grade and I found out we were moving away to the east coast from the Midwest. I want to curl up in a ball on my top bunk and cry myself to sleep. That’s what I did.
I feel this way because I am a ten year old boy with a new sense of loneliness. That is what I am.
So I hate it.
I am afraid of commitment because I am afraid of separation.
Shame on me.
I think these thoughts…I process myself…and I realize that I do those memories and people injustice. So I adjure and apologize…
This whole process makes me understand that my hate for reliving these great times only magnifies how wonderful those times and friends are. The more I hate remembering these things, the more I realize how much I love having the friends and experiences.
So… I really, really, really love it.
6 comments:
sigh i wish i was in ur boat.. my friend's are just around to fuck me over...
has happened to many times..
no trust, loyalty or nothing all full of lies and cheating.. stealing and bullshit
wish life was better :(
But let's be honest, the real reason you are sad is because I was not there this weekend to complete the "what's up man" circle of manhood and extreme manliness. I miss you guys too bro.
- The Adman
i'm glad by the end of it all you realised that those moments are always awesome.
i've had the same feelings, and its good to know that those you make the effort to see after you've left highschool make you realise that they're worth a damn.
times change, and people's situations change. but good mates are around for life, and when you meet up its good to know they're always going to be who they were when you first met them.
-LOki
Aaron, Seriously. You make my head hurt. Reading your blogs is like listening to a whole episode of Gilmore Girls in like 5 min. But, that's we love being your friend. So where is all the Mass. updating huh?? Don't tell me that we're gonna beat you to the punch. That would be so unAaron like! I'm putting your pumpkins pitures up!!!!
It was great to see you Aaron!!!!But how come you never called me and told me you were comin?? I thought we were closer than that!But Im glad Wendy called me....are you feeling guilty yet???? good deal!
Buddy, I had a sweet time with you in DC and I really hope you come out here to visit! Much love! Oh and thanks again for letting some girls in on "what's up man" time.
Jaimers
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