Lately, because of the crazy hours at my job, I have spent some time alone. I leave late in the morning or come home late at night only to have my family already gone or sleeping. Again, even now, I am home ready for work at 11am.
Being alone is something you love and hate. The silence, the time passing slowly, and the freedom that follows. You can yell expletives, watch what you want on TV, or just sit and think. On the other hand there is no one to talk to, express any emotions to, no one to relate to anything that is happening around you. If you won a billion dollars and could only keep it if you didn’t tell anyone…that would suck…you would itch at the opportunities to tell someone, so they can have joy with you or… help you spend it. But you would have to hold it in alone with your money. Until you bought that house at least!
Come to think of it we are always alone.
Be honest now do you ever really feel understood? I know I don’t. After a thought or emotion rattles through my foggy head and plinko’s (think price is right) its way to my mouth it is already tainted with my own faulty modes of communication. So these words fall out of my mouth that hopefully somehow represent what I am trying to express. And never will I truly be able to perfectly articulate anything I am thinking. To make matters worse, it flies through the air like a drunk butterfly reaching my hearer’s ears. Into their totally different mind they go. My words travel through their interpretation factory getting chomped and hacked by their experiences and way of life. The product is never, from my brain to theirs, 100% pure from its origination.
I feel you dog.
I totally understand what you are saying.
No you don’t.
That’s why sometimes I always feel alone. No matter what the situation or who the people are around me. The fact that I know I can never accurately express myself makes me not want to try. I feel like a time traveler trying to tell the caveman that I am from the future. It is quite frustrating to think about. I wish I could find that one person who 100% gets who I am and what I am trying be.
Well all this makes being alone not so bad, because now I have no one to miscommunicate with!
PS
Of course the irony of it all is the question if you, reader, get what I am trying to say. If you think you do, let me know. But still… you probably don’t.
1 comment:
Buddy I'm sorry you feel alone. I can totally relate, I kind of think thats how were supposed to feel after college cause i definatly feel it. But hey I'm coming out the beginning of November so lets hang out, we could go get manicures or something.
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